


our firsts (and last)

by akinoris



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, First Meetings, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, M/M, Minor Injuries, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:42:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27365221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akinoris/pseuds/akinoris
Summary: “Did you ever love me?”“No?”
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	our firsts (and last)

**Author's Note:**

> day 5, tier 3; "Did you ever love me?"

The first time Akaashi steps into their now shared room, face stoic and passive as ever, Bokuto thinks of him as another one of those passive, arrogant kouhais. One who won’t listen to what their senior says and has no care for anyone else but himself. 

Along the way, Bokuto finds out that he is wrong. He is so, so wrong. 

Akaashi is one of the sweetest people Bokuto has ever met and more often than not, he begins asking himself if the latter is an angel or not. But Akaashi’s teeth aren’t as perfect and he has a few acne on his forehead -- because of stress, he tells Bokuto -- so that makes Bokuto conclude that Akaashi is indeed a real boy. 

A _very_ sweet boy. 

  
  


* * *

The first time Bokuto realizes that Akaashi is pretty is when they were having dinner together for the first time. The first year is glistening in sweat after finishing his yoga, using the collar of his shirt to wipe his forehead, panting slightly and Bokuto has to tear his gaze away from Akaashi’s cute stomach which isn’t all abs and muscles. It looks so squishy that Bokuto finds himself on the verge of breaking down. He has never wanted to _squish_ something so bad. 

It’s a week later, after yet another dinner together, Bokuto finds himself laying his head on the first year’s stomach and Akaashi had smiled at him then, threading his fingers in the strands of Bokuto’s hair. 

Bokuto burns from the single touch alone. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The first time Akaashi hugs Bokuto is when Bokuto’s in one of his moods, stressed out from all the assignments he has yet to finish. Bokuto begins to whine to him with shuddered breath, asking Akaashi why he chose to major in Physics when he can’t even understand a single thing. 

Akaashi had stayed with him all night in his room, whispering to him, telling him that he’s going to be okay, that he has done so much to reach where he is now and Akaashi tells him that he believes he can go further, much, much further than where he is now. 

Bokuto falls asleep to the feeling of Akaashi breath tickling the back of his neck and to the reassuring words of _I believe in you, Bokuto-san._

  
  


* * *

  
  


The first time Akaashi cooked for him was the one time where he sprained his ankle so bad he wasn’t allowed to move for the next three days. Akaashi had stayed with him, of course, doing all his assignments in Bokuto’s room -- next to him on his bed and Bokuto is blessed with a disheveled looking Akaashi who is nowhere near calm at the moment -- and he _never_ forgets to ask Bokuto if he’s okay and if he needed anything at all. 

Akaashi cooked for him a simple omurice, decorated by a smiley face using sauce and Bokuto had cooed and just _had_ to post it on his Instagram story, along with Akaashi’s distressed face in the background as he struggles with his assignment on animal anatomy. 

Did Bokuto mention that Akaashi is studying to be a _vet?_ He found it very endearing. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The first time Bokuto cried to him was when his mother called him that evening, telling him that their dog -- who Bokuto named Owl, just because he _can --_ had passed away from old age. Akaashi, again, had held him tight, rubbing his back in a soothing circle and he made a promise with Bokuto that night. One that Bokuto will hold on to the end of time. 

“We’ll get a dog together if you want, Bokuto-san.” Bokuto looked up to the boy who gave a sweet, sweet smile, making Bokuto feel tingly all over. “Do you promise, Kaashi?” The boy smiles again then, wide and genuine and so, so fond. “Of course, Bokuto-san.” 

They make promise after promise after promise, each one better than the other. 

It’s one of those nights, where Bokuto is laying his head on Akaashi’s lap, the other threading his fingers in Bokuto’s soft, gel-less hair, as always, when Bokuto asks him to make a promise. 

“Akaashi,” the other hums in reply. “Promise me you’ll never leave or move out, okay? Stay with me Kaashi.” he says in a low voice, not wanting anyone else to hear their intimate conversation, even if it’s just the two of them in the room. 

There was no _yes, Bokuto-san_ or _of course, Bokuto-san._ There was just a soft smile and shimmering eyes. And that was it. Bokuto believes there is something behind the smile. Or at least, he _hopes._

* * *

  
  
  


The first time Bokuto realizes his feelings was when they were cooking together, Bokuto _finally_ allowed to walk again. They cooked a lot of things that night and there were lots of laughter, a lot of soft , barely-there touches, a lot of nose bopping and Bokuto held him so strong that night. Like he’s afraid to let Akaashi go, like he wants Akaashi to himself, like he wants Akaashi with no one else but just him. 

“Stay with me forever, okay Akaashi?” 

Akaashi doesn’t reply. Only nuzzles his face further into Bokuto’s neck, holding him -- but not as tight as Bokuto was holding him. Bokuto didn’t think too much into it, he didn't _want_ to. He can’t even begin to think about anything else. Not when Akaashi has his face in the crook of his neck, tickling his skin at every breath he takes. He’s content and Akaashi makes him the happiest he’s ever been. And he loves Akaashi _so much_ it hurts. 

Bokuto holds him tighter. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The first time Bokuto took Akaashi out on a date was a year after they moved in together. “To celebrate the day that changed my whole life, Kaashi!” Bokuto beams, causing the latter to laugh and nod his head. 

“Sure, Bokuto-san, let’s celebrate that.” 

Bokuto takes him to a very expensive restaurant and has spent almost his entire month’s worth of allowance on that one night. It’s worth it though, seeing Akaashi smile and laugh along with him, humming along to all his stories. It’s the same night where Bokuto holds Akaashi’s hands for the first time. It was a brush on the back of the hand at first and Bokuto shyly looks up to Akaashi, silently asking him if it’s alright and Akaashi smiles and threads their fingers, letting it intertwined. The warmth of the palm of his hand sends electric jolts to Bokuto’s spine and he thinks to himself that the night could never get better than this. 

The next place Bokuto takes him is a cat cafe. Watching Akaashi’s eyes light up with glee is enough to make him forget about the fact that he is going to be getting a mouthful from his parents when he’s going to ask for money later that week. Nothing can beat the way Akaashi squeezes his hand as they enter, excitement taking over his body. 

They spend two hours there and leave with fur all over their clothes.

Bokuto hates cats, but at the moment, he’d do anything for Akaashi. 

They have more dates later, every time they feel like they’re trapped in the small space of their apartment. Each one starts and ends with their hands intertwined and Bokuto wishes he never lets go, but he does and has to every time they reach their campus. 

Bokuto wants to ask why, but he’s too blinded by Akaashi’s smile. 

He can think about why Akaashi refuses to hold his hands in front of people next time. 

  
  


* * *

The first time they kissed was one of the most magical things Bokuto has ever experienced -- and _Akaashi_ had started it first. It was soft, passionate (more on Bokuto’s side but he’s not going to think about that) and Akaashi tasted like wine and cheese crackers. Bokuto’s breathless as they pull away, leaning his forehead on Akaashi and the other is simply looking at him, smiling softly. 

“That was one of the best kisses ever! Did you feel the spark, Kaashi?!” 

Akaashi smiles and pulls him in for another kiss. 

Bokuto feels another spark and he seems to forget about if Akaashi feels it too. He can’t bring himself to care; not when Akaashi’s tongue is exploring his mouth causing him to moan. Bokuto lets himself think that Akaashi had felt the spark too. 

They slept together for the first time that night too, and again, Bokuto asks if he feels a spark between them. 

Akaashi doesn’t smile his soft smile, but he smiles nonetheless and closes his eyes to sleep. 

Bokuto is in a state of bliss and doesn’t think about Akaashi’s forced smile. He’s pretty sure Akaashi feels it too, even if Akaashi never tells. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


The first person he tells about Akaashi is Konoha; the one person he trusts more than Akaashi. Bokuto can’t seem to ignore the way Konoha tenses at the sound of Akaashi’s name, how he seems to frown when Bokuto tells him he loves him, barely listening to him the next few minutes, but Bokuto didn’t mind. No one ever listens to him anyway. 

He keeps on talking, and ranting, and whining at every single thing he finds endearing about Akaashi and Konoha still doesn’t listen, lost in his phone and giggling at something. Bokuto frowns but then Konoha is beaming at him and he feels like everything is okay again. 

Konoha is his best friend, afterall. He knows Konoha cares about his relationship with Akaashi deep down. 

  
  


Bokuto brought Konoha to their apartment that night, and he met Akaashi for the first time and Bokuto can’t help but feel left out.

Bokuto shrugs away his feelings. He can’t think about it now. His best friend and the most important person in the world finally met! 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Akaashi rejects Bokuto for their dates for the first time later that week, telling him that he was busy with assignments. Bokuto pouted, but he understood. Akaashi’s course needed him to do many, many assignments and experiments. 

Bokuto watches as he leaves in the afternoon, dressed nicely for the library and Akaashi chuckles, telling him he's silly. 

Akaashi kisses him goodbye -- something he never misses on a daily basis and Bokuto savours the taste of Akaashi’s lips and holds him tight, never wanting to let go. 

They pull apart not long after and Bokuto hides his face in Akaashi’s neck -- something Akaashi always does -- and whispers, “I love you,” 

He can feel Akaashi stiffen under him and hesitantly, Akaashi rubs the back of his head. “That’s… good to know, Bokuto-san,” 

Bokuto hides the pain of Akaashi not reciprocating the sentiment with a big smile, waving his boyfriend goodbye. 

* * *

  
  
  


Akaashi comes home late for the very first time a week after. Bokuto blinks his eyes, stretching his neck slightly, strained from the way he’s sleeping uncomfortably on the couch. He blinks at the digital clock under the TV. 

4.00 a.m., it blinked. 

He got up from the uncomfortable position to sit up, rubbing his neck and his free hand rubbing the sleep from his eye. Akaashi was still hovering at the door, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide. His hands fixed the collar of his shirt, covering the bottom of his neck. He had asked Bokuto why he was still awake and Bokuto answered with a chuckle, telling him that he couldn’t sleep on the bed without Akaashi’s warmth. Bokuto gets up from the couch, albeit wobbly, and walks over to Akaashi who seems to be glued to the floor. 

Bokuto lets his body fall limply on Akaashi’s slender body and rests his head on his boney shoulder. Akaashi smells like a cologne Bokuto has never smelled before, but Bokuto ignores it. Akaashi’s home now. That’s all that matters. 

“Welcome home, Keiji.” 

Akaashi lets out a shuddering breath. “Let’s get you to bed, Bokuto-san.”

* * *

  
  
  


Three weeks after, it was the first time Akaashi stopped sleeping with Bokuto. He returns to his room, silently moving all of his clothes back. Bokuto notices, but he keeps telling himself that maybe Akaashi just wants to be organized, not wanting his stuff to be mixed up with Bokuto’s. His room was messy enough, anyway. 

“Keiji,” Bokuto whines, stumbling in Akaashi’s room. The younger is sitting on his desk, lost in his assignment and Bokuto leans down to hug him from behind, dangling himself on the latter’s neck and rests his forehead on his shoulder. “Are you going to sleep with me tonight?” 

“Bokuto-san, you’re heavy.” Bokuto whines again but he lets go. “I’ll slip in when I’m done with this assignment, okay?” 

Bokuto beams. “Promise, Keiji?” 

Akaashi’s lips form a tight line and he gives Bokuto a peck on the lips before turning back to his assignment. That’s enough to make Bokuto run back to his bed with a big smile on his face. 

  
  
  


Akaashi never slips into his bed and Bokuto pretends he’s not bothered by the coldness next to him, the familiar warmth absent. 

He doesn’t get that much sleep that night, too drunk on hearing Akaashi’s excited chattering next door. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The first time Bokuto notices how distant Akaashi became was two weeks after he stopped coming into Bokuto’s room completely. 

The sound of the front door opening at dead hours in the morning were becoming more frequent, Akaashi had talked a little less and focused so much more on his phone. When asked to go on a date, Akaashi had refused, telling him that he already had other plans for the day. 

The days of Akaashi coming back to him became lesser, and Bokuto most of the time tries to fill the emptiness by Facetiming Kuroo (Konoha rarely answers him anymore), watching volleyball videos and he even finished that new anime he has been binging. 

It’s all useless, though, because none of them is enough.

None of them is Akaashi. 

* * *

  
  


Bokuto was confused for the first time in his life. He’s at a party at a bar in the city, dragged by Kuroo who was mad at him for _something._ He told Bokuto that he’s simply wasting his youth; Bokuto calls it healing. 

It’s been a total of four and a half months since he had last slept with Akaashi, two months since Akaashi had stopped kissing him goodbye and it’s been three days since he last saw Akaashi. There were scarce texts of _i miss you_ and _when are you coming home_ and all Bokuto got in reply was a _soon, Bokuto-san_ and _the eggs better not be finished when i’m home._

Bokuto lets out a relieved sigh. At least Akaashi hinted that he was coming _home._

Coming home to _Bokuto._

Kuroo offers him a booze which he reluctantly accepts and he’s being introduced to groups after groups after groups. He has no trouble with getting along, though. He’s a social butterfly like that. 

Kuroo leaves him to sit around with his boyfriend, Yaku and his friends: Kai, Sugawara, Sarukui and Oikawa. They’re laughing along, halfway drunk by the way their cheeks are beginning to redden slightly. 

It was Oikawa who asked him a question. “So what do you study, Kou-chan?” 

“I’m majoring in Physics! And minoring in Arts!” 

Sugawara lets out a whistle. “That’s a lot,” 

“How many years do you have left, Bokuto?” Kai asks, sipping on his soju. 

“About a year and a half or so,” He smiles, picturing his graduation day. His graduation day with Akaashi by his side. “What about you guys? What are your majors?” 

“I’m majoring in Films,” Sugawara says. “Same with Kai and Yaku. Oikawa here,” he says, pointing to the man who’s chugging the soju he had taken from Kai’s hand. “Is gonna become a world famous vet, as he keeps pestering us.” 

“A vet?” Bokuto perks up. “My boyfriend’s majoring in the same thing!” he beams even louder, if possible. He likes talking about Akaashi. “He’s a year younger than me so he has about 2 years left! Then he’s going to practice for another few years or so!” 

“Who’s your boyfriend, Kou-chan?” Oikawa smiles prettily. “I know everyone in my major, I might know your lover boy.” 

“It’s Keiji! Akaashi Keiji!” 

The whole group turns silent, looking at Bokuto like he had just said the most _ridiculous_ thing ever. Bokuto looks at them one by one and Oikawa seems to turn pale. “What’s wrong?” 

“Oh, u-uh,” Yaku stutters, rubbing the back of his neck. The rest of the group are looking at him expectantly now; Bokuto included. “We met uh, your boy- we met Akaashi just a few weeks ago.” 

“Oh?” Bokuto tilts his head. “Where, though?” 

“We were at the cafe down the block,” Kai interrupts, sweet smile forced. “You know Fukurou’s?” 

“Yeah!” Bokuto’s heart is thundering in his chest. Loud booming music be damned. “Did he say how awesome I am?! He did, didn’t he? Awh man, I love him so much,” 

Sugawara and Oikawa winced at that and Yaku froze. Kai just keeps smiling at him, though now it looks almost, sympathetic? Bokuto’s never good at reading people, it was more of Akaashi’s specialty anyway. 

“We got to talking,” Sugawara then said. Oikawa flags a waiter and asks for two glasses of water and six shots of vodka. “Oikawa’s always nosy and the one thing that he _always_ asks people if they’re dating anyone or not.” 

Oikawa holds Sugawara’s knee, making him pause. The group turns silent and Bokuto falls quiet, too. The waiter comes back with Oikawa’s order and as soon as he leaves, Sugawara continues. “Oikawa had asked him if he’s seeing anyone,” 

“Did he tell you guys how awesome I was? He did, right?! Because Akaashi is really awesome like that!” Bokuto laughs, forced. 

Yaku is the one who breaks the news to him, unable to handle the tension that’s obviously building up. “Akaashi said he was single.” 

Bokuto laughs at that. The music was probably too loud, he probably heard wrong. He did have trouble hearing and paying attention sometimes, it’s usual for Bokuto. 

“H-huh?” Bokuto laughs again, strained and his throat is doing something super weird and uncomfortable. He swallows it down. “Akaashi said something about me, right?” 

“He said he was rooming with you -- Kuroo’s friend.” Kai continues, he’s not smiling anymore, and his face is. So low, so, _sympathetic_ which is ridiculous. Bokuto didn’t need sympathy, he simply heard _wrong_ , is all. “That’s all he said about you, Bokuto.” 

“And he said he’s not single, right? He said we’re dating?” Bokuto’s voice is breaking, he can hear it over the loud music. “He said I’m his boyfriend, right?” 

“He said he has no boyfriend, Bokuto.” Yaku says again. 

“We are so sorry, Bokuto-kun.” 

* * *

  
  
  


Bokuto has never been so hammered in his life. This is his first time ever. He's swallowing down drink after drink, shots after shots, anything to forget about what the group had told him. 

_He said he has no boyfriend, Bokuto._ Bokuto downs all the whiskey. 

_He says you’re just friends._ Bokuto steals a drink from a stranger, and downs it, wincing at the feeling of the burning behind his throat. 

_You’re just his roommate._ Bokuto’s being shoved but he can’t bring himself to care. He lets himself fall on the floor, taking hit after hit after hit. He feels numb. He can’t even bring himself to see who was hitting him. Not when his head was just Akaashi, Akaashi, _Akaashi._

The guy gets pulled away and Bokuto stays laid on the floor, all he hears is Kuroo’s voice, calling out to him, asking him if he’s okay. Bokuto wants to tell him that he just misses Akaashi, but his vision darkens, and Akaashi’s name slipped out of his numbing mouth which tastes too much like metal and lead. Bokuto thinks he prefers the taste of Akaashi’s mouth more. 

  
  


Bokuto wakes up the next day to an unfamiliar bed, wincing at the way the sun burns his eyes. He lets his eyes wander slowly, taking in the room. 

Ah. This is Kuroo’s room. 

“Good morning, monster.” Kuroo chirps, too enthusiastic for Bokuto’s liking. 

“Kuroo, please turn off the sun,” 

Bokuto winces again as Kuroo laughs maniacally. Bokuto feels sore, head throbbing. His face feels numb and it’s cool; like ice was just put there. When Bokuto gets up to sit, Kuroo holds him down. 

“Whoa whoa, slow down,” he hisses. “You took a lot of hits last night.” 

“I smoked?” 

Kuroo snorted. “That would be a lot better than whatever happened last night.” 

Bokuto blinks at him, wondering why his eyes feel so swollen. Did he cry last night? “What happened?” 

Kuroo bites his lips and hands him some painkillers and a glass of water. “I’ll tell you later, take these and nap first.” 

Bokuto nods. “Hey Kuroo?” 

“Yeah, buddy?” 

“Please turn off the sun.” 

Kuroo laughs and shuts the curtains. 

  
  


Bokuto wakes up a few hours later, face still numb. He gets up to use the bathroom and widen his eyes at the sight of him in the mirror. 

His eyes are blue and purple, lips busted and his jaw is bruised. 

Kuroo walks in to him and stiffens at the door. “What did I do, Kuroo?” 

Kuroo bites his lips. “Get back to bed when you’re done.” 

  
  


Kuroo ends up telling him everything that happened that night. The drinks he took from people, the fight, the conversation that led him to act the way he did. Bokuto sat on the bed, hurting his brain trying to remember anything. Just _anything._ But it’s all useless because all he remembers is Akaashi. 

_Akaashi._

“Do you understand why I’m mad at you now, Bo?” 

“How long have you known?” Bokuto whispers, voice uncharacteristically low. 

“I told Yaku about you, and told him you look happier now that you’re with Akaashi,” Kuroo begins, looking outside the window, unable to look at Bokuto in the eyes. “Yaku laughed at me then and told me that Akaashi never mentioned a boyfriend, so I thought he was probably just shy but that wasn’t the case, unfortunately.” 

“Does he hate me?” 

Kuroo looks at him now, eyes soft and sympathetic. _Again_ with that look. “He doesn’t, Bo.” That hurts more, for some reason. “Why don’t you go talk to him?” 

“I don’t think I can.” 

“Hey,” Kuroo says, taking his hand and holds it tenderly; like Bokuto could break anytime. Well, Bokuto _could._ “You can do anything, yeah? You’re _Bokuto._ Just talk to him and fix things.” 

  
  


Bokuto heads out of Kuroo’s later in the evening, feeling like absolute _shit._ His headache is gone, at least, but his eyes and jaw still hurt like a bitch. He walks home, eyes glued on the pavement when he hears the familiar laughter. 

* * *

  
  


This was the first time Bokuto experienced this type of heartbreak. He broke up with people before, sure. Had people leave on multiple occasions, telling him they can’t stand being with Bokuto, telling him he’s too much to handle. He’s used to them. They hurt, but not as much. Bokuto hears it too much; it’s just tiring at this point. 

_This._ This hurt like a fucking _bitch._ He felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest, thrown out on the floor and got stomped on. He felt horrible. Much more horrible than the headache and his eyes and his jaw. He clenched his fist; probably ruining the flowers in his hand and he dropped the chocolate, letting the contents scatter on the dirty pavement. 

Bokuto doesn’t know what hurts more. The fact that Akaashi laughed and smiled like he has never seen before because Akaashi _never_ smiles at him like that, the fact that they’re heading to the restaurant that Bokuto took him for their first date, the fact that the guy he was with was wearing the oversized sweater that Bokuto wore a few times (Akaashi told him he looked cute in it) or the fact that he was with his own _best friend_ , Konoha. 

Bokuto has no fucking idea. 

His feet are glued on the ground. He should look away -- hide away, at least -- but his feet won’t take him _anywhere._ He wants to run away, wants to run and rub his eyes so hard -- bruises be damned -- just so he could get that sight out of his head. 

Akaashi looks at him then and pauses. He smiles. _Genuinely_ smiles. Konoha pauses too and looks at Bokuto. Akaashi whispers something in Konoha’s ears and they start walking, hip to hip, Konoha’s hands around Akaashi’s shoulder.

_Fuck._

Bokuto feels like exploding, his heart is stuttering in his chest and he swallows down the lump in his throat, the tear at the back of his eye is threatening to come out. He clenches the flowers stronger, causing it to break and fall to the floor. 

They were the best daisies this month -- Akaashi’s favourite flowers -- and he lets them fall on the ground. Akaashi stops to stand in front of him then, eyes moving to the mess on the ground. Fallen flowers, scattered chocolates; Akaashi still gives him that pretty smile of his. 

“You made quite a mess there, Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto falls silent, not trusting his words. He knows whatever comes out of his mouth will be followed by tears, so he just smiles at them. “Why?” he managed to croak out.

Akaashi tilts his head _innocently_ and Konoha pulls him closer. “Why what?” 

“Why are you two standing so close to each other?” Bokuto’s voice is coarse, mouth dry. All the moisture probably went to his eyes as he felt himself getting closer and closer to tears. 

“We’re dating,” Konoha says, smiling that bright smile of his. “Been a month, right Keiji?” _Keiji._

Akaashi turns to Konoha and smiles so wide Bokuto wishes something would fall on him right now. That would hurt less. “Akinori and I are going to that restaurant to celebrate.” _Akinori._ “Thank you for the recommendation, Bokuto-san.” 

“So you’re just going to take him to where I took you for our first date?” Bokuto doesn’t even sound like himself anymore.

Akaashi laughs at that. A hearty _laugh._ He’s laughing _at_ Bokuto and Konoha is laughing along with him. “Thank you for the practice, Bokuto-san.” 

_Practice._

“Kei- Akaashi,” Bokuto whispers, letting the tears fall, not caring if he looked ridiculous crying in the middle of the pavement. _“Did you ever love me?”_

Konoha smirks and Akaashi’s trying to fight off a smile too. Bokuto knows because _that_ is the smile Akaashi always throws at him. “Why don’t you go ahead first, babe?” Akaashi tells Konoha and the pain in Bokuto’s head is coming back again, throbbing even stronger. His heart… he can’t even begin to describe the pain in his heart. 

Konoha unhooks his arms around Akaashi’s shoulder and cups his jaw to kiss him; Bokuto turns away and shuts his eyes. 

“Be quick, babe.” 

“I will, Aki.” Akaashi smiles. God, why did it have to hurt _this_ bad. “Bokuto-san,” Akaashi calls out to him and Bokuto can’t help but think that the way his name sounded when it left his lips was nothing _near_ as fond as he did when he called Konoha _Aki._ “Is there something you’d like to discuss with me?” 

“What were we, Akaashi?” Bokuto says, voice trembling. He sucks in a breath. “What was I to you? Did it really mean nothing to you?” 

“No?” He says it with no hesitation whatsoever, Bokuto snickers out a laugh as he tilts his head again, _very_ innocently. “It’s nowhere near important to me.” 

“What about all the fucking kisses? All the touches, the cuddles? Did they really mean _nothing_ to you?” 

“They’re just physical, no?” Akaashi asks him. Why the fuck was Akaashi asking him. 

“You know how I felt.” 

“I do,” 

“And you still,” Bokuto sniffles. “You still-” 

“Played you?” Akaashi smiles. “It was fun while it lasted, Bokuto-san. No one really wanted to be with me, you know? You were,” Akaashi pauses and places a finger on his chin as he thinks then he smiles in delight. “Easy. You were easy.” 

Bokuto felt like throwing up. His heart had dropped in his stomach and he felt sick. So, so _sick._ And the look on Akaashi’s face did nothing to make him feel better. He’s still smiling that beautiful smile of his, like he had no regrets of using Bokuto for months -- _years._

“Oh don’t look like that, Bokuto,” Akaashi laughs, but Bokuto doesn’t like the sound of it at all. It was humorless, more insulting if possible. “We had a good fuck, but that was it. You’re a bit too much sometimes. Too clingy, too touchy.” 

“Konoha’s just as touchy,” Bokuto retorts. 

Akaashi smiles then; Bokuto feels a chill run down his spine. “Yeah, but he’s _Konoha._ ” Bokuto’s gripping the hem of his sweater like a lifeline. He wants to be away from this so bad, he wants to stop listening to Akaashi but he goes on; “When you introduced me to Akinori, it was the best thing ever, so I guess I have to thank you for that,” Akaashi actually looks so _happy_ , Bokuto felt disgusting for wishing he wasn’t. “We’ve been talking to each other for a while -- even before you introduced us -- and I was excited to hear you take him home. He’s really beautiful in person, isn’t he?” _Stop._ “We fell in love,” _Stop._ “I wanted to leave you earlier,” _Stop, stop, stop, make it stop._ “But Aki told me to let you go on for a while longer, see how long you can last,” _Please make it stop._ “I have to say I’m very impressed, Bokuto.” _Please shut up._ Akaashi chuckles and Bokuto shivers. “Oh God, you really thought-” Akaashi lets out a laugh, doubling over. “You really thought I _liked_ you?” 

“Stop it,” Bokuto whispers. 

“I would never-” 

“Please don’t say it.” 

“Ever in my life-” 

“Just _go,_ Akaashi. _Please,”_

“Fall in love with you.” 

“Enough, Akaashi!” Bokuto screams, causing a few glares to be thrown at them. “What the fuck did I do?” He cries, grabbing a fistful of his hair. “Why _me?!”_

“I told you,” Akaashi laughs. “You were easy.” 

“Keiji! Babe, your food’s getting cold!” Konoha screams out, peeking his head out of the restaurant door.

“Ah, time to go.” Akaashi smiles again. “It was nice talking to you, Bokuto. Don’t wait up, I’ll be staying at Akinori’s.” He waves and runs to his boyfriend and Konoha has the sneakiest smile on his face, looking at Bokuto.

_I win,_ his face says.

And to think he _trusted_ Konoha with his life. 

* * *

  
  
  


Bokuto _finally_ has the guts to come to their apartment two weeks after he spent coped up in Kuroo’s room, trying hard to get every picture, every _word_ Akaashi had told him out of his head. It wasn’t easy, but Kuroo had assured him that nothing is ever easy and had given him advice after advice about how to move on, to forget. 

It’s been two weeks. Bokuto at least eats normally now, with no churning in his stomach. It’s progress, Kuroo tells him. 

He hovers at the front door, playing with the key. Ten, twenty seconds pass and he finally inserts the key in the lock. Hesitantly, he opens the door and enters. Big mistake. 

Akaashi’s on the couch, moaning as he threads his fingers in Konoha’s hair, lost in his lips. Only when the door closes the two part ways, both with a sinister grin on their faces. 

“Welcome home, Bo!” Konoha cheers. Bokuto feels sick again. “We’re just resting because we have been packing Keiji’s stuff. He’s living with me now!” 

_Good riddance,_ Bokuto thought. “Konoha,” Bokuto says instead, trying his best to hide the bitterness. He’s supposed to be happy, he thinks. He’s still unsure. He has never been so betrayed in his life. This is his _first time._ “Can I talk to you for a second?” 

“Sure,” with a yelp, Akaashi’s thrown on the couch and he pulls Konoha by the neck for another kiss. Bokuto shifts uncomfortably, hovering in the living room. They _finally_ pull apart. “What’s up?” Konoha says, jogging towards Bokuto. 

“I trusted you, you know,” is all Bokuto says. 

Konoha barks out a laugh. “Thanks, I guess.” 

“Have you finished packing?” 

“Yeah,” Konoha smiles. “We’re just. In the mood for something, you know?”

Bokuto wants to throw up again. “Yeah,” he says with the tiniest interest. “If you’re done please get out,” 

Konoha blinks, but lets out a smile after. “Sure,” 

“And tell Akaashi to leave the key on the counter.” 

“Alright,” _Why aren’t you apologizing._ “We’ll get going then,” _You were my best friend._ “Keiji!” _Why are you doing this to me?_ “Let’s get out of here, baby.” _I trusted you, I trusted you, I_ trusted _you._

They leave not long after, hand in hand, Akaashi giggling and hiding his face on Konoha’s shoulder. 

Bokuto slams the door and leans on it, sliding down with his head in hands. 

  
  
  


This is the _last_ time Bokuto decides. This is the _last_ time he’s falling in love.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> this was, honestly, very hard to write. I got so overwhelmed at some point and had to stop for so long because I just... couldn't bring myself to put Bokuto through the pain. 
> 
> It was fun, though!!! I've been stressing over this for days, but alas <3 I made it through. I really hope you all enjoy my hardwork (I've never stressed over something so much!!!!) and please don't hate on Akaashi and Konoha... this is just purely fictional and I would never put Bokuto through that nor will I ever let Akaashi or Konoha hurt him that way.


End file.
